Dear Men of KONOS, One of the 5 P’s of fathering is the PROVIDER. The problem for most of us in today’s tough economic times is making enough money to properly provide for our families. But, we know that we need to spend time at home with our wives and kiddos. When companies start laying people off, to make sure they lay the other guy off instead of us, we are forced to put in more time than the average Joe around the office or jobsite! Then, they know we are irreplaceable, right? Now, we are caught in the middle of a dilemma: JOB calling us on one hand and HOME calling us on the other. The key is this gentlemen: 1) Recognizing you are in a dilemma is an important first step. (Many men think it is okay to work 10, 12, 14 hrs. a day all their lives). 2) Being willing to put in the extra time on the job “for a season is acceptable.” During crunch time you might have to work a ton of hours. 3) Making the time you do have at home with your wife and kids count by choosing activities that are relationship-builders: (Movies, TV, videos, go-carts, individual reading, and most sporting events are passive and stifle interaction). (Hunting, fishing, working in the yard, family reading, and doing activities that the kids want to do are interactive). The way to judge the value of an activity is to question yourself, “How much conversation will take place if we do ____________?” 4) Having in the back of your mind that you will work extra hours “for a season” is important because it forces a mindset that says, “As soon as I am able, I will cut my hours back and rejoin my family. If that is impossible, I will think about working elsewhere.” Let me give you an example: Back in 1990, I traveled with Jessica as she spoke at the state convention in Washington State. Our friends taught us to enjoy a local delight from a little company called Starbucks. When I got back to Texas, I called Seattle and talked to the Starbucks people about opening a franchise in Dallas. They had never even considered franchising, but were intrigued by the prospect. As I spent more time contemplating my future and my young family, I considered the evening work, the weekends, and the holidays required of those in retail and the food business. (I had been in the food business for the previous nine years). After much prayer, and discussion with my wife, I made the stupidest financial decision any man has ever made. I dropped the idea and went back to being the President of our little curriculum business. I could be a millionaire right now, I’ll bet! Can you imagine what I would have now, big cars, a big boat, jet skis, you name it. My decision was to invest my time in my kids and support my wife instead of investing my time in coffee! Instead of cars and boats and jet skis, I have as my best friends, Jason, Jordan, Rhett, and Jared! And, my wife and I are still speaking and we are best friends too!! My grown kids still seek my advice, we play golf together some and spend every holiday together. I’d rather hug them than a jet ski any day. Do you know what the most seasonal thing in your life is? Your kids. They will only be there for a season, guaranteed. When they are grown and gone, will they say at your funeral, “Dad was a nice guy, but we never got to know him because he was never at home!!” Men, we are in a dilemma, but recognizing it and having an overall philosophy that says, “A) My family is my priority. B) My job is necessary to provide for my family. C) Go back to A)!” With prayer and a desire to be at home instead of the office, we will build the kind of relationships that will last a lifetime. (I love that axiom that says, “No man on his deathbed, says, ‘Wow! I should have spent more time at the office.’”) Let me know how you’re doing! Wade Hulcy |
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